To not become Vincent

Under a jovial outside 
there are storms 
contortions play drums 
it's why I let inanimate nouns 
modify each other 
because I want to mold 
without turning green 
and I want blue 
without the price of the sky 
but I'll pile up dirt 
as I keep digging the holes on the beach 
that kept a child out of the riptides
going under happens in either place 
but the acts of swimming out or heading down 
falsely deny their inevitable conclusions 
by working toward instead of as is 
a means, meanly, at an end, ending 
but I don't want that starry flight 
I want to be content
and that's where we're the same 
wishing for what we already have 
sweating as if the salt and water 
might come together to make 
the ocean of our dreams 
and nightmares.