I’ve learned that whenever I don’t know what to do, it’s imperative that I move. Move in a broad sense. I’ve moved my address along with my stuff (with pragmatic minimalism mirroring these moves). I have gone for marathon length walks around cities and mountains. Spent the daylight hours on the seat of a bicycle. These are my holding patterns, my training missions. On cross-country drives, rambles on foot, and two-wheeled tours, I’ve stayed in a ready position by consuming book after book through my ears. I’ve come up with dozens of reasons for reading and moving, but it boils down to the desire to be. Hamlet’s choice is false: there is only one option. To not be is nihil, negation. To be is to be useful, valuable, active, attentive, loving. As is my habit, I’ve made being more complicated than it is, banging my head again and again against imagined intricacies of being any number of adjectives. I’ve tried to break down the parts of speech, complained about prepositions, and been touchy about semicolons. Fortunately, moving is now my autonomous response when the spider web loses its geometry.
But moving and reading books doesn’t about to enough, in the long run. Readiness demands an outlet (as maintaining standing armies is an open request for war). This is where writing comes in. Readiness meets its expression in action. I used to think that moving real-world events by “hand” was the best outlet for my readiness. I’ve become convinced that operating language through the keyboard is a better outlet, however. Acquiring and exerting power, attachment to the outcomes of events beyond individual control, and toiling in the armies and bureaucracies of the world is counter to my spirit and morality (not that I have a clear definition of either of those things, but they both know what they don’t like when they see it). Articulating missions and purposes in writing is the stage I’m at. I’m still baffled by “art” for its own sake. It makes sense, but I can’t quite grasp why it makes sense. Utility was the watchword growing up, in implied and explicit ways. And the utility of lots of types of writing is not clear at the moment it is scribbled, and can’t then fit into a utility-system. More reading (readiness) will be required, but in the meantime, I’ll keep moving and writing.
Roman Ryan 