Category Archives: Writing

Here’s where I’m going. It’s on a map, right on this table. What’s that, you say? That’s just a list of things that seem to happen to people in stories? Well you’re right. This trip is going to be a Hero Journey. I’m not a hero, you claim? Well let’s get real specific about heroes; there’s a time element that you aren’t considering. I’m not driving until I’m in a car, even if I’ve printed out the directions from Mapquest well in advance. And so here I am, not heroing, not yet a driver, if you follow the metaphor. The whole point of the Hero Journey is to become one. You’re not a hero until pretty close to the end, unless this is your second or third. So hold your horses. Oh, you claim that those heroes from the stories didn’t know that they were going on a Hero Journey? Come now. That sense of destiny, that almost divine lack of concern for the life they were living (in the form of terrible things happening to their childhood and/or parents) – these things clearly point to a life that will be heroic. I had a great childhood, you claim? More nonsense. Have you even been inside a suburban public school? The pizza at lunch is so disgusting. And I ate it. Usually three slices (having only had the money to buy two, and subsequently eating at least a large percentage of my saltier and saltier friend’s second slice). Have you ever considered what it must have been like to have the pressure of going to a great college, getting A’s in sixth grade, or having to share a room with your brother even though you lived in a house with far more bedrooms than people? The indignity of it all. So I’ve had the trials of a young hero. And now I seek my Hero Coronation, through further trials, mentorship, enemies, and finally, heroic triumph. What trials, exactly, am I referring to? What type of journey will this be? One doesn’t choose these things, obviously. I set out and open myself to the world, and peril, companionship, villains raise their heads. You don’t think I’ll find these things in a Lexus sedan with heated seats and the best safety package a little extra on the lease payments can buy will find me said drama? Well you haven’t seen the kind of attention this baby gets when I’m driving around. Danger and excitement are sure to follow. Oh, you think that’s just the red paint job that I did (even though the lease expressly forbids painting a vehicle – come on, I practically own it) attracting all the police when I’m going eleven over the limit? Well, I’ll own up to that. But just wait until I get off the plane into the wild foreign city I’m on my way too. Oh yes, you can see the tickets there. I’ve already printed them out, next to the Mapquest directions to the airport. Yes, you’re right to be in awe. Keflavik. It’s the airport in Iceland. Adventure is sure to find me. Dire cold, hostile native people, scrapes galore. I’ll be a hero for sure. Oh, what’s that? Icelanders are among the friendliest, most hospitable people in the world? One can’t turn left without bumping into an adorable bed and breakfast (with baby sheep out front) and a fully Instagrammable view of a waterfall or a glacier? Well those people who took those waterfall pictures holding a baby sheep with a puffin on their shoulder didn’t have nearly the sense of adventure I have. They don’t know the first thing about surfing down an erupting volcano or wrestling a man-eating ocean seal. What, you don’t think my tickets to the just north of Reykjavík Golden Triangle three day guided tour will get me any of the adventure I’m talking about? Well, what if my tour guide is super hot?