Negotiation, Competition, Service

I am barely
American.

I hold money
hesitation.

I hate to see 
the word I;

unselfconscious
United Nations,

similar
potency. 

Would I rather
help people?

No. But I do
and I don't 

rue
it.

I get drunk
and strategize.

I get high
and try to win.

I do not want
to optimize

or beat
anyone.

I can't be helped.
I want to die,

I want to survive,
I want

to transcend
paradox.

Instead
I will

descend into
their jammy resonances

and open
my ears

to that which
was once

noise.