Excellent

                             Count if: there's blood.
                       Concatenate: the miseries.
                         Lookup: the sky is lower.
                        Transpose: change myths.
                                  Sum if: it's in favor.
                    Interest bears won't protect
                                  other people's cubs.
                                        Grids fail to last 
                            beyond ninety degrees.
    Equals: fabulous temporary columns
                                    until the 16,384th.
                          Each function indicates
                                 the inability to feel.